you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
