my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize