he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
