just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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