her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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