Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
