Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
