So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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