Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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