I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love having hate sex.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
