You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
