Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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