4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
