listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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