it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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