just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
