She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
