Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
