I'm passing your future prison.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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