Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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