I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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