didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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