her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
