I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
