Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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