Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
