she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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