We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
