wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
