It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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