He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
