I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
did i just pee glitter
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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