Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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