I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
