NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YAS. BRING CRAB.