Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.