I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.