My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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