see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.