When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear