I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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