He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
