im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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