i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
