a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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