I think i peed on brittanys purse
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
