There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
