If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
