: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.