I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
