YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
