he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
