tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
