Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
