Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Duck Duck Cougar?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
