I hate all girls vehemently.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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