Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
