I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
ok first of all what the fuck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
