Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
