Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
