i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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