didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
