from now on my penis is your penis
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
