Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
