someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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