when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
