Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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