The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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