all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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