I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
