i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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