Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
